M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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