you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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