i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
