sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
