Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
