I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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