He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's blow job season.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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