We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
