3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
