Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I don't deserve a penis
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
In other news, I just burned my penis
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
