doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
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