trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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