I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Just cropdusted the office
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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