i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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