Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
