did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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