Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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