no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
