The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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