News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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