gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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