I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
