i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
