it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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