when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
