I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I forgot wine drunk hurts
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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