I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
