i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
