Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
