Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
