The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
