He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
