Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
