if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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