I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
