omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
