when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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