...so i touched it.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
