i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
