Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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