Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
