We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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