me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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