mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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