i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
foreskin is a definite game changer
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
