hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
