I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
