ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
