I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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