I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
We had to coat check the pizza.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
