Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
