so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
