You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
