You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
