it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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