Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
