What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
