I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
